What I know vs. what I added.
Choose one interaction that is still on your mind. Short phrases are enough, and every answer is optional.
What happened?
Describe only what a camera or recording could capture.
See an example
They said, “Okay,” and looked away.
What did I add?
What meaning, motive, or prediction did you attach to it?
See an example
I decided they were disappointed in me.
What supports my interpretation—and what am I still unsure about?
Look at the interpretation you wrote in Step 2. What did you notice that led you to that conclusion? What information are you missing?
See an example
They looked away after saying “Okay,” which led me to think they were disappointed. I don’t know why they looked away or how they felt.
Could there be another explanation?
Write one other explanation that could fit what happened. You don’t have to believe it—or decide your first interpretation was wrong.
See an example
They may have looked away because something else caught their attention. That’s a possibility, not something I know yet.
What could I ask?
Try a question that checks your interpretation without making an accusation.
See an example
“When you said okay, what were you thinking?” Then leave room for the answer.
What do I want to do next?
Knowing what you know—and what you’re still unsure about—what could you say or do? You might ask a question, take a pause, explain what you need, apologize, or set a limit.
See an example
I’ll pause before replying, then ask what they meant. If I need time, I can say, “I’d like to come back to this later.”
My interpretation may be right. I can check it before I treat it as fact.
Stay in touch with Joel
Would you like occasional notes about practical tools and coaching? Leave your email if you want to hear from me. This is separate from requesting a session, and you can continue either way.
You can understand someone and still keep a boundary. This reflection is not a requirement to excuse harm or reopen contact.